So, basically, I listen to all of the POD Save America Podcasts, because I am a politics junkie and nerd-girl and what could be better than to listen to a bunch of smart, funny people talk about several of my obsessions? And, last week one of the many hosts on PSA (clearly, trying to be provocative, but still!) blamed the fall of Roe v. Wade on Ruth Bader Ginsburg. That’s right, it’s all Ruth’s fault, because she didn’t retire early in Obama’s second term. FFS, WTF? A liberal, white male pundit is saying RBG is at fault for the fall of Roe? I’ve been stewing on this ever since, because no. No. And just fuck no. The conversational context, to be clear, was the imminent return of Dianne Feinstein to the senate after an extended absence, during which the GOP members of the Judiciary Committee of the US Senate refused to move numerous appointments to the Federal Judiciary forward on an almost evenly divided committee that, lacking Feinstein’s single vote to appoint, was stuck at an entirely even 50-50. Please, please, puh-leeze blame those intransigent conservative fuckers, not Dianne Feinstein, FFS. And, blaming a woman – Feinstein or Bader Ginsberg – for what mostly male Senators, justices, legislators, donors to and members of the Federalist Society, religious leaders, and male everything else in power have done to squash Roe (including creating a Senate where the rules overwhelmingly advantage small states, and white male power), is classic patriarchy. Coming from a liberal voice – a gay white male, no less – simply added insult to injury, but just because a man is liberal, or gay, or a professional pundit re: politics doesn’t mean he isn’t infected with the same biases we all have, including misogyny.
And, this is how the patriarchy works. Patriarchy 101. Blame women. (Or POC, or the Poor, or Gays, or Drag Queens … it’s all the same, really) Blame women who are victims of sexual assault for wearing the wrong outfit or being out at night; blame E. Jean Carroll for entering a store with Trump (I’m still working on getting the sound of the crowd’s laughter at the CNN Town Hall re: sexual assault out of my head); blame Hillary Clinton for Bill Clinton’s infidelities; blame Feinstein for – after a lifetime of public service – not getting out of the way; blame RBG for wanting to do her job to the last moment possible, largely because she wanted to see a female president appoint her successor (like a lot of other people, RBG underestimated the power of misogyny, and misinformation, assuming Hillary Clinton would win the election in 2016). Blame women for the many ways in which our political system is set up to keep those in power in power, which includes, at this late date, a mere handful of women like Feinstein. Gasp!
Call the Violence Against Women Act the Violence Against Women Act, when its purpose is to eradicate, reduce, punish and find solutions for male violence against women, a clever trick of language that erases male responsibility. I want and need to do a deep dive to find out if the original writers of the act believed the it would never pass if you added that language, making men own their gender’s actions? And please, please, please – don’t go there with ‘but not all men’. Not all men, sure, but far too many. Reminds me of that mental trick: ask yourself how many women do you know personally who have been raped, stalked, assaulted, harassed, abused, or groped; now, how many men do you know who are rapists, gropers, stalkers etc., and why it is that no one seems to know any of these men?
Do I wish Feinstein had retired last year, or the year previous, or had simply not run again? Sure. And, feminism at its core is about empowering women (and men, for that matter) wherever they are, whoever they are, to make their own choices without judgement, with freedom, and with the support of individuals, organizations, and our society at large. And, feminism’s mission is to fight the real enemy of equality for all, which ain’t a couple of old ladies in the Legislative or Judicial branches of our government, but rather are the many entrenched misogynistic (and racist, and homophobic, and, and, and) biases and inequalities baked into our systems of justice, policy, religion, finance, education, and government.
If blame we must – and don’t we love to play the blame game – how about we blame Mitch McConnell for refusing even to meet with Merrick Garland, stonewalling his nomination to the Supreme Court in 2016? How about we blame Mitch as well for flipping that script, shoving through Dumpster Fire’s nomination of the handmaid’s tale dream date Amy Coney Barrett at the last possible moment? How about we blame the lying sacks of crap (Kavanaugh and Gorsuch), who swore under oath that they respected and would uphold precedent, including Roe, at their Senate confirmation hearings? How about we blame that conservative Catholic prick Sammy Alito, who quoted 15th century jurisprudence for part of his decision on Roe? A fifteenth Century British Jurist quoted in America in 2022?!? You can’t make this shit up, people. Or how about we blame yet another conservative Catholic, this time Leonard Leo, and his billions along with every other member of the Federalist Society for wanting to control women’s bodies, choices, and futures, claiming it’s because they believe in the ‘sanctity of life’ – while at the same time that exclusive club of mostly rich, white males promote judges, politicians, policies and laws that would fundamentally undermine or eradicate Social Security, Medicaid, Food Stamps (SNAP), and WIC? FEH.
Fuck that shit and those shitty men. RBG was and is an icon, who – along with Dianne Feinstein – may have stayed too long at the party. And, that was her right. Sigh.
And, while I think men (in power, especially) need to fix the fucking problems men have created, feminism at its core is about equity for everyone, freeing women and men from the idiocies and literal harms of the patriarchy. Here’s a link to yet another recent podcast I listened to entitled The Problem with Boys and Men, featuring two white men in what is, regardless, a great discussion re: the challenges and solutions we’re all facing (we are, all of us, in this together) in case you’re interested. I think Richard Reeves has a lot of good points, although I disagree with a few of them and find it maddening how, as the tables turn, men are unable to help themselves out of the trench they’ve dug. Still, it’s vitally important to know what’s being done, being thought, on all sides, and to dig deeper regardless of what issue is being discussed, and how passionately nauseous I feel about the ‘but men are suffering’ and ‘not all men’ narrative lines. Of course, not all men, and of course men are suffering! Rigid gender roles, ancient, unchanging role models for what men can and cannot be and do, harms everyone, women, girls, boys and men: all of us. Humanism 101. Gosh, I spy a theme.
The best take I heard re: this week’s CNN Town Hall starring the twice-impeached reality TV entertainer whose name I shall not mention: one thing we learned from the event that all parents already know, is that we don’t leave two-year-olds unsupervised for more than a few minutes. I add to that take only to say that it’s especially true when the two-year old in question is a compulsive liar, in a room full of cameras and sycophants on live TV. The audience, all members of the GQP, with a few Indys mixed in, were given explicit instructions that while they were free to applaud, they were not, ever, to boo.
Okay. I agree. To quote an actually competent former President: Don’t boo, vote.
Also, in case you missed it this week, Texas State Representative Bryan Slaton, a Republican resigned from office after being caught with, essentially, his pants down. Here’s a link to his anti-LGBTQ legislation, form 2022. Oops. The tales of conservative, Christian creeps like this guy being total hypocrites are kinda boring, they’re so routine. And, I post this here because outing patriarchal creeps (he’s resigning and looking forward “to spending more time with his family” LOL) feels good. #DivorceYourRepublicanHusbandMrsBSlatonEdition
the link: https://www.dallasobserver.com/news/bryan-slaton-to-file-bill-banning-drag-shows-in-presence-of-minors-latest-texas-republican-anti-lgbt-crackdown-14160924
The article excerpted below is From the Texas Tribune, with reporting done by James Barragan
Rep. Bryan Slaton resigned from the Texas House on Monday after an investigation determined that he had an inappropriate sexual relationship with a 19-year-old woman on his staff, providing her with enough alcohol before their encounter that she felt dizzy and had double vision. Pressure had mounted on the Royse City Republican to resign since Saturday, when the House General Investigative Committee released a 16-page report finding Slaton, who is 45 and married, had engaged in inappropriate sexual conduct with his aide. The committee of three Republicans and two Democrats recommended that Slaton be the first state representative expelled from the body since 1927.
***The below is from the actual report, which is linked but, to save you time, ultimately reads like a lengthy high school text message thread, which makes sense, as this dickwad Slaton is clearly one entitled, incredibly immature white dude, attracted to teenagers because emotionally and psychologically they are right on his level:
I. Proceedings of the Committee
1. This proceeding was initiated by the filing of multiple complaints naming Representative Bryan L. Slaton as respondent and alleging that he engaged in conduct violating a House rule, the Housekeeping Resolution, or House Policy and engaged in inappropriate workplace conduct, specifically conduct constituting sexual harassment and retaliation. The complaints were made by:
a. Hannah W.,2 a 21-year-old intern in the Capitol office of Representative #1, dated April 10, 2023.
b. Emily J.,3 a 19-year-old legislative aide in the Capitol office of Representative #1, dated April 11, 2023.
c. Sophie A.,4 a 19-year-old legislative aide in the Capitol office of Representative Bryan Slaton, dated April 20, 2023.
Each complainant signed and submitted a complaint under penalty of perjury.
***back to the article: Slaton’s resignation, however, may not stop a planned Tuesday vote on a House resolution expelling him from office.
Rep. Andrew Murr, a Junction Republican who leads the investigative committee, said Monday that he still plans to call up the resolution that he drafted and filed on Saturday. “Though Representative Slaton has submitted his resignation from office, under Texas law he is considered to be an officer of this state until a successor is elected and takes the oath of office to represent Texas House District 2,” Murr wrote on Facebook.
Slaton did not address the inappropriate relationship that led to his downfall in his resignation letter to Gov. Greg Abbott, saying instead that he looked forward to spending more time with his young family. He was not on the House floor Monday. State Rep. Steve Toth, R-The Woodlands, blasted Slaton for not apologizing in the letter, calling it ‘inconceivable’. “His resignation gave no apology to the young woman he violated, his wife whom he betrayed or his district that he failed,” Toth said on social media. “No remorse. No acceptance of responsibility. He’s the victim that rides off in to the sunset. That was the resignation of a narcissist.”
In a statement, Republican Party of Texas Chair Matt Rinaldi commended the House for responding swiftly to “the reprehensible actions of Representative Slaton,” which were first reported in early April. He said the misconduct detailed in the report “should never be tolerated and is proper grounds for expulsion.” “These actions have betrayed the trust that the people of Representative Slaton’s district put in him as an elected official, and he has rightly resigned,” Rinaldi said. “We are encouraged that this investigation signals that the House has entered a new era of accountability where all members will be held to the same fair and high standards.”
Calls for Slaton’s resignation had grown since the report’s release Saturday. Over the weekend, two of the three Republican parties for the counties he represents asked him to step down, and more than half of the 62-member State Republican Executive Committee had done the same by Sunday night. By Monday, even some of Slaton’s closest supporters had left his side. Texas Right to Life, a staunchly anti-abortion group that was a key supporter of Slaton’s political campaigns, revoked its endorsement in the morning, saying it was a “Christian organization” that held its staff, board members, scholarship recipients and political endorsees to high moral standards. “In light of recent reports and the findings of the Texas House General Investigating Committee, Texas Right to Life PAC has decided to formally revoke our endorsement of Representative Bryan Slaton and is praying for a biblical response for all those involved,” Kimberlyn Schwartz, a spokesperson for the group, wrote in a statement. (*WTAF is a biblical response?! The skies parting, the sea? Will Slaton be turned into a pillar of salt?)
Slaton was among the most socially conservative lawmakers in the chamber and had been one of this session’s loudest voices for cracking down on drag shows and decrying drag artists as “groomers” who want to sexualize kids. The committee report said Slaton had invited the 19-year-old woman to his Austin apartment late March 31 and gave her a large cup of rum and coke, then refilled it twice — rendering her unable to “effectively consent to intercourse and could not indicate whether it was welcome or unwelcome.” In other questionable actions, Slaton also provided alcohol to the aide and another woman under the age of 21 on several occasions, the report said. The report also alleged that after Slaton and the woman had unprotected sex in the early hours of April 1, Slaton drove her home, and she later went to a drugstore to purchase Plan B medication to prevent a pregnancy. Slaton, a staunch abortion opponent, later tried to intimidate the woman and her friends into not speaking about the incident, the report said.
On Sunday, the Texas House Freedom Caucus, a group that includes some of the most socially conservative lawmakers in the chamber who are usually politically aligned with Slaton, also called for his resignation. “The abhorrent behavior described in the report requires clear and strong action,” the caucus said in a statement. “He should resign. If he does not, we will vote to expel him Tuesday.” Later that night, 36 members of the 62–member State Republican Executive Committee, party activists who help set the agenda for the party, also called for his resignation, calling his conduct “wrong and unacceptable.” They were joined by the party’s vice chair, Dana Myers, and secretary Vergel Cruz. Three more committee members who could not be reached Sunday night added their names to the call for resignation Monday morning. At least three lawmakers had already called for Slaton’s resignation before the report’s release: Reps. Toth, Briscoe Cain, R-Deer Park, and Ana-Maria Ramos, D-Richardson. Cain and Toth are members of the Freedom Caucus.
Also on Monday, the Young Conservatives of Texas joined the calls for Slaton to resign and urged the House to follow the committee’s recommendation without hesitation if he did not. “The Young Conservatives of Texas fully support his expulsion and will score the vote in our legislative ratings,” the group wrote in a statement. Abbott must call a special election to fill the vacancy for House District 2, but that election cannot happen before the legislative session ends on Memorial Day. That means Slaton’s constituents will be left without representation for the final days of the session.
*While I salute the many, many wonderful moms out there, on this day every year (in fact, for the entire week leading up to this gawd-awful ‘holiday’) I need to, contrarian that I am, acknowledge the less than stellar mom-sters who are worthy of little or no celebration. Moms have so much power, and in them resides so much – too much – cultural mythology and expectation; no one, no single individual, can live up to that bullshit, and most moms are doing the very best they can in a country and world that talks big about honoring mothers and loving children but delivers little to actually support women, and their families.
That said, I used to wish my mother had put out cigarettes on my arms or legs, so that I would have the actual scars to show those who insisted that all mothers love their children, a cohort that includes my first therapist. Uh, no, no they don’t. Deep breaths. Somewhere in the early 80s, when the trade edition of ‘Mommy Dearest’ by Christina Crawford came out, my mother called me from her hairdresser’s to ask me to promise not to write a book like that about her, and while I was surprised she had any level of self-awareness regarding her behavior toward me, I was also at that time exhausted, struggling to survive, and – as I said to her – ‘I don’t even own a typewriter, mom, leave me alone’. And no, I didn’t make that promise. Fuck that annihilating bitch, and the friends who watched and supported her from the sidelines. That hairdresser, a woman who was also a former student of hers, a fellow Catholic, and big fan of my mom’s, told me that when I was six years old I was such a horrible child she was tempted to drown me in our pool. She would have been twenty-four or five at the time, with a daughter my age, a child that she resented for revealing her imperfect Catholicism, as getting married in March and delivering an 8-pound baby in September isn’t consistent with purity a.k.a. virginity ’til marriage. She went on, after telling me of her former homicidal instincts, ‘But, I’m glad I didn’t because you’ve turned out okay’. Was I supposed to thank her? Did she think I was unaware of her, and other friends of my mom’s, hostility? Did it ever occur to her that maybe, just maybe, growing up in such an atmosphere was not ideal for a child, any child? And, did it ever occur to her that maybe I was not ‘okay’, in and of myself? More deep breaths.
The text below is an excerpt from the eulogy I wrote for my mom in 2007, subtext heavy but only to me – only, it seems, to me. As for my own personal version of the ‘no more wire hangers’ story, I’m still thinking about and working on that. Perhaps you’re reading it right now?
Hello and thank you for coming. Today is a good day – mother wanted not a funeral but a celebration of life – so let us celebrate the life of Dorothy Jean Byrnes Miller. Mother is at peace, with those she loved who went before her, and so again I say to all of you: today is a good day.
First a short list: my mother’s favorite word – yes, she had a favorite word – pavement. Pavement. My mothers favorite Roman; Julius Caesar. My mother’s favorite food: ice cream. My mother’s favorite person: Dick Miller. She had great taste. My mothers favorite family: the Byrnes Clan. My mother’s favorite thing to hold: babies. My mother’s favorite students: Ray Sprague and the Rosa twins, Gary and Gene, although Chuck Jenkins gets a gold star for effort and making her laugh – after all what student in the history of teaching didn’t get his homework done because his mother saw a UFO the night before? Christine Geehrer also gets a gold star for remembering and singing Gaudeamus Igitur over the phone once when mother was getting her hair done at Marcia’s. Something mother never was: cynical. Something mother always was: an idealist. My mothers other favorite thing to do other than read or eat ice cream: talk.
…to those of us who had the privilege of knowing her, my mom was a great lady – brilliant, stubborn, willful, full of laughter, sentimental, naive, generous, volatile, quick-witted, warm, fierce, loyal, rarely unforgiving, a great story teller, a great teacher – a loving, complicated, endlessly fascinating and tender mother and a wonderful life’s companion to my dad, her very best friend. An orphan at twenty, a teacher at twenty-two, a wife at twenty-seven, a mother at twenty-eight, a mother of four at thirty-three, a loving daughter-in-law to the end of my grandmother’s life, a devoted sister, and, finally, a women who wanted and deserved only to rest.
…Mother’s ultimate legacy lies in the students she taught, especially those she inspired to teach or lead their lives to the very best of their abilities – and in her love for my dad and the immense impact their relationship had on so many people their lives touched.
…Finally, I want to quote one of her other favorite Romans, Cicero, who said that the ‘life of the dead rests in the remembrance of the living’. Mother will always be remembered – well-remembered – by her students, her colleagues, her friends, family, and those who cared for her these last few years. And today – today is a good day.
Gaudeamus igitur Juvenes dum sumus! Post jucundam juventutem Post molestam senectutem Nos habebit humus.Nos habebit humus.
Therefore let us party While we are young! After pleasant youth After troublesome old age The earth will have us. The earth will have us.
*you better believe it was a good day.ding dong, t.w.i.d.!deep breaths.
Doc Kavanaugh was our family’s dentist growing up and, for many years after my childhood had passed, I continued to return to my hometown to visit him, right up to the point when he stopped practicing at age – 75? He seemed ancient, so let’s say, 70? LOL. He had a very charming manner, and was, I discovered later, a total ladies’ man, which made complete sense. He’d given me several of those teeny mirrors on a long metal stem that dentists use to look at your teeth because I asked for one; how cool to see what was back there, I guess I thought? I was obsessed with the frightening possibility of having to have my tonsils out, which might also have been the reason I wanted one. I never did, phew! Doc Kavanaugh had the softest hands and touch of anyone who has spent a significant amount of time in my mouth. I do not like having other people’s fingers in my mouth; I suppose no one does? Are there people with hand in mouth fetishes? Yick, I hope not. Regardless, Doc Kavanaugh was the exception to that, for me, and I was terribly fond of the old geezer, who had white hair the entire time I was his patient, and seemed very wise, always, to me.
Round about the time I was ten or eleven, I decided to stop brushing my teeth for a year, just to see what happened between our annual visits to Dr. K’s office on Main Street, up over Marsico’s Department store. I decided to do this because, as I had long since learned, adults lied and told half-truths all the time, especially my mother, and it was she who insisted we brush nightly, otherwise we’d get a mouth full of cavities, guaranteed. But – the plot thickens – she had bad, cavity prone, soft teeth; her teeth were weak! And, Doctor Kavanaugh said I had perfect teeth, maybe a little crowded on the bottom in front, but otherwise, hard as rocks, strong teeth, and he said I had perfect and perfectly healthy gums. Also, and I’m sure y’all agree, these little every day, twice a day, style chores get really boring after a while. So! Like the true scientist I most definitely am not, I quit brushing for a year to test the reality of the so-called ‘absolutely true’ maxims around dental hygiene, cavities and teeth.
What can I say? I was a head-strong, stubborn little kid who deserved every rotten tooth and nasty cavity the universe could throw at me. I continued to eat candy at an unchecked pace, after all; the nerve! I had zero cavities up to that point, such a point of pride, the only member of my family to be so honored by the universe, all whilst trembling on the point of lift off into being a stubborn, head-strong teen, gleefully hopping into bed each night having skipped a step, living dangerously, amidst my year of not brushing my teeth!! Oh, Universe! Oh, Doc Kavanaugh! Oh, Colgate! Oh My!
The year swiftly passed, and I returned to Doc Kavanaugh’s office, hoping he wouldn’t realize I’d been so bad (surely, he would know, surely he would noticewhat I’d done, or hadn’t done?!!), hoping I wouldn’t have a mouth full of rot, or did I hope I would, be punished, as I deserved, or did I? It was time to find out the results of my experiment.
What can I say? I had one teeny tiny cavity, which I refused novocaine for the removal of, and while it sucked, sort of, well, so much for a disaster in my mouth, you lying son’s a bitches!
*No one, no one, wants to kiss a mouth full of lil black nasties (cavities), or, Gawdess forbid, bigger ones, thus the authoress – since her ‘experiment all those years ago – brushes twice daily, and flosses after every meal – without fail!!
I had, and have, another blog to post – but, it can wait – as yet another gun massacre in Texas has me once again furious, sad, distraught, and fed right-the-fuck-up with these callous, stupid originalists and gun-huggers who think the framers meant everyone should be armed in this country. JHFC.
19,000 children in the U.S. annually are either killed or wounded due to gun violence. This has got to stop. we have been telling our children since Columbine that guns, and the ‘freedom’ to own them with very little interference, matter more than they do.
Clearly, the only thing Americans really near to fear is no longer fear itself, but one another – armed to the teeth, and with legislators in too many places willing to let the carnage continue indefinitely. #Vote Blue #GunControlNow
